What-I-learned-from-dad
3 pieces of advice my dad gave me...
Always wear a seatbelt Don't run with a toothpick in your mouth
Never get married
At a Doctors office no matter what privacy you are promised there is no such thing as doctor patient confidentiality, they will tell the nurses and other staff and they all do laugh about your personal problems when you're not around. And don't be a dick to the receptionists, they can either be your best friend or your worst nightmare.
Dad told me about database administrator for a telemarketing company that
makes over a million calls A DAY.
When you tell him to place you on our do not call list, he is only legally
required to place you on the do not call list for that client, he serves over 90
clients and move your data back and forth between them. His business is very,
very profitable, despite over 80% of calls ending in "F OFF AND DIE" or some
variant thereof. When you buy/cave-in to one his 'pitches' he places you on a
special list that results in a huge increase of calls for other 'pitches',
depending on the demographic - he openly refer to these as his "Sucker Lists",
and he sell them for a lot of money to new clients, i'm talking 6 digits.
You will be able to get a discount 90% of the time when there is a "enter promo code" when buying something online. Just google [company name] + "coupon code".
The secret to women is to act as though you can live without them but treat
them as though you can't.
My dad taught me that you can tell how a guy treats his mother or wife by how he
treats the waitress at the diner.
My parents taught me to never have kids in a loveless marriage.
"You want to find a girl who used to be ugly, or fat. Preferable both. That way
she had to develop a personality and some smarts. But the key phrase there is
"USED TO BE," because good looks still matter."
The best way to make this work is to become her friend BEFORE she gets thin.
Make that investment early and then when she becomes hot she thinks "well, he
was my friend when i was fat so he must be a good guy and better than all these
guys who wouldn't talk to me before"
My dad: "Never do anything you can't explain to your mother."
Don't start fights, finish them.
Be polite, say please and thank you to everyone.
When going on a date with a boy, always be able and willing to pay your own way
but be thankful if he pays.
When a guy unlocks and opens the car door for you, reach over and unlock his
door in return.
Use condoms, as well as instructions on how to use them properly.
You're smart and can do anything that you want to do with your life, but most of
all we want you to be happy.
When a guy unlocks and opens the car door for you, reach over and unlock his
door in return.
everyone is a friend until proven otherwise.
From a professor: be nice, but be firm
everyone is a friend until proven otherwise
This is brilliant. I've seen too many people that live the opposite way...
a) When you're doing something with her, treat her the best in every way. Take
her nice places, share yourself with her, etc. like normal, but
b) don't call 24/7, don't go on and on about how you'd be lost without her, have
your own opinions, be just as self-sufficient with or without her
parent
My parents taught me that I'm awesome. I never really believed them until
recently when I realized that I am, indeed, awesome.
Mom said God made Eve from Adam's rib because a woman should always be close to
a man's heart.
"If you get a girl pregnant, you're raising it, not me" -My Mother.
My mom said this to me, except, the female version ("If you get pregnant..."). I
explained to her that my grandma is really young and loves children, and that my
mom is a bad mother anyways.
My mom said this to me, but she doesn't speak English very well so it ended up
as "Don't tie up babies".
My dad told me about a time in college (back in the 60s) when he and a friend
had a break between classes. They decided to walk to the nearby hospital and by
the spot where the nurses took their lunch, thinking they'd harass (tease/
flirt/ heckle?) the young women for a bit.
My dad is tall and slim and his friend is short and squat. As the two of them
walked up, full of confidence, one of the nurses looked over and said, "Hey
look, here comes the number 10." After a moment, my dad and his friend realized
she meant them, my dad being the 1, his friend being the zero. As all the nurses
broke out laughing, my dad and his friend turned on their heels and slunk back
the way they came.
He ended with the lesson: "Women in a group are dangerous."
World doesn't owe you anything. Anything that happens to you is skill, talent,
work and luck. Always be thankful for the luck when it's good but don't piss and
moan when it's bad.
Honesty is quicker
Gin makes you crazy
My father told me, and continues to tell me these words of wisdom: Be Careful
Always be a gentleman Give em' what they want Power is an illusion
God didn't create religion, man did.
"Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow. "
My mother taught me how to be a reasonable, rational person through example by
being an unreasonable, irrational bitch.
My parents indirectly taught me never to be like them. It worked.
Dad said "Your word is your greatest commodity, if you never lie or bend the
truth in your life you will go very far."
Also "Always accept responsibility for mistakes you make. People want to be
around those who can admit when they did something wrong."
My Mother was an accountant and raised me to always see everything in a fiscal
sense. Therefore, she knew the one way to make me properly understand things is
to apply to my fiscal sense.
"Would you pay half your potential earnings for 18 years in order have sex
without a condom for one night? I didn't think so."
I also figured out that plan b is less than 1% of my yearly earnings, so
crushing it up and hiding it in the eggs is both a fiscally responsible and
practical solution!
That if you're in an argument with someone, it doesn't matter how right you are
if you lose your temper. The second you let anger take over, you look like the
asshole, and your argument loses all power.
The converse is true: When arguing with a woman, being completely stoic, logical
and apathetic will also make you look like an asshole. Then your argument
doesn't matter because you have a crying unstable girl on your hands.
My mom worked herself stupid until she found a way that worked well, and allowed
her to complete what she needed to get done. No one is impressed that you worked
until 10:00, people were impressed by what you actually got done. If you found a
better, faster way to do it, that's OK.
My mom taught me a lot of old-school conservative things that I grew out of at a
young age. My dad didn't teach me shit, aside from how to successfully abandon
your family.
Hey, that's a valuable skill, nothing's worse than going out for smokes and then
sheepishly having to come back because you forgot your car keys.
Dad: "If you aren't always learning or trying to learn, it's a guarantee that
someone else, somewhere in the world is pulling your weight for you."
Never get into a fight; but if you do, don't stop til the other guy can't get up
My father taught me to lie, cheat, steal, and under all circumstances never let
the facade fall.
My mother taught me to forgive others and to appreciate the total lack of
control you have over another person's life and decisions.
My mom's advice was solid:
-Don't give women everything they ask for.
-If you find a girl you like, tell that girl how attractive her friends are
-Kindness is usually seen as weakness.
-The second a girl uses affection (she obviously meant sex) as currency, the
relationship is over
-Polite indifference is hot
"women are like monkeys. they don't let go of one branch until they have a firm
grasp on another one"
It's not something I learned from my parents, but it IS some of the best wisdom
I've learned: "It's not an income problem, it's an expenses problem"
If you are nervous before a first date, drink a beer in the shower. Because you
feel cool, you're also drinking beer, and you're also taking a shower.
Only get your hair cut by a man and only get a massage from a woman.
Learn how to do everything for yourself and never expect help from anyone. AND,
never help anyone who refuses to learn the skill they asked you to lend...
unless it's someone elderly or otherwise incapable.
My Dad always told me - "Be wary of a man who has nothing."
My grandfather taught it to my dad and he taught it to me. Treat any workplace
as though you owned it.
From my mom to me while I was wrestling with my brother: "Don't punch with your
thumb in your fist, you'll break it!"
Most women in college don't want to date-thanks Dad.
If you ever buy a motorcycle I will kill you-thanks Mom
Do not pass out in or around a trailer
Stay away from pills and powders
Men give love for sex; women give sex for love.....
Catholics feel guilty for things they shouldn't do, but did; Jews feel guilty
for things they should do, but didn't.
Wasn't my parents, but my uncle said to me, "Women are like shadows, you follow
them and they run away, you run away, and they follow." That worked for a while,
but now... not so much. :|
All my parents ever said about sex, feelings, relationships, girls at all was
"Give your girlfriend footrubs."
And it seems like half the ladies I get to know have some moral objection to
feet anyway. You touching their feet, your feet being out, anyone's feet
touching anything, the very idea of feet just grosses some girls out.
Probably some better advice was actually about how to retrieve a dog we had who
liked to dart out the front door if given the chance: "Don't chase her. If you
chase her, it becomes a game. Don't chase her."
Don't have a girlfriend, and then we'll find you a wife.
My Dad: Don't inject anything
Treat everyone in the way that you would like to be treated.
If they don't hit you, don't hit them. If they DO hit you, hit them back twice
as hard.
From the example of both parents: Don't rely on others, always have a back up
plan, always be able to go it alone and take care of yourself.
Being a child of immigrants, it was:
"everyone is against you"
"work to benefit yourself, not to benefit the Man"
"always fight for (take) what you want"
"learn as much as you can, so you can be better than everyone else"
Worst advice from my mother: "All men are wolves and will do whatever they have
to do to get into your pants."
Best advice from my father: "There are a lot of good men out there. There are
bad ones too. Find a good man and take care of him. He will take care of you."
"Its better to ask forgiveness then permission"
Always know where the emergency exits are.
Enjoy it while you're here.
ver a lender nor a borrower be."
Two generations, passed down. I have a revision, simply stating that if money
parts from me, whether or not it returns is not in my control. Also, if I
borrow, the money is going to be returned in 24 hours, so it's like it never
happened (but it did).
My parents told me a similar thing. I have never borrowed any money, I feel its
great advice. My dad also taught me "if you do a favor and expect one back, it's
not a favor. Don't do favors if you expect to be reciprocated."
Another option is to live life honestly and not play games with your partner.
Eventually you will find someone who doesn't need a silly games to stick around.
My dad said to me "Never just believe anything someone tells you without
thinking about and making up your own mind about it."
From my Dad: "You'll eventually learn to find the good in just about everybody
and the value in traits you yourself don't have."
My uncle called me on the day before college. He told me to go to class, and
that you don't need to wave and say "hi" to everyone on the quad, but you might
as well smile a lot.
Teat a girl like dirt and she'll stick to you like mud." -
Never overcook salmon. This advice has served me well.
Have respect for yourself. Have respect for whoever you meet.
The father of a friend of mine was fond of saying: "The most overrated thing in
the world is sex, the most underrated thing in the world is a good shit."
"Don't eat yellow snow" -Grandma Johnson
My Mother: "It's your life, you can fuck it up anyway you want"
My parents always told me that the best man is one that acts as though he can
live without me but treats me like he can't.
Just kidding, the second I think you are trying manipulate me with how you treat
me out the door I go. (That's just me, I am sure some girls love it. ) It sure
imitates that whole "I am an independent person but have genuine feelings for
you" thing nicely.
My advice: Socializing is a game you have to play, until you meet someone you
don't have to play with. (I found one. )
My parents taught me what not to do, by example.
When I told my Dad I was taking a trip to New Orleans: "Make sure the woman's
not a man..."
Uncle: "Always check a woman's fingernails. If she takes care of her nails you
know she takes care of other things." I still do it.
dad says to be careful with the following medical conditions:
Bacteria Infections
Impetigo
A small patch of reddening of the skin that becomes a cluster of white blisters
which turn yellow. A highly contagious infection which requires antibiotics.
Stye
Inflammation of the eyelid, often the upper lid. It is caused by an infection in
the hair follicle, swelling, redness and can be painful. Scratching or rubbing
the area may cause the infection to spread.
Boils
An infection of the hair follicle caused by the staphylocci bacteria.
Inflammtion occurs with pus formation.
Viral Infections
Cold Sore (Herpes Simplex)
A highly contagious blister normally found around the lips of the mouth. The
infection should clear with in two weeks. A doctors note is not needed.
Conjuctivitis
Itchy sore eyes/eye which weep green fluid during sleep. Antibiotics normally
required. A doctors note will be required due to cross infection.
Genital Warts
A hard rough 'lump' which varies in size. Highly contagious if open and weeping.
A doctors note is required due to cross infection. If having intimate waxing,
Vaseline will be put on the warts providing they are closed, unfortunately I am
unable to wax over warts.
Shingles
Caused by the chicken pox virus (Herpes Zoster). If you have shingles it is
advised not to have waxing until the infection has passed. A doctors note will
be required due to cross infection.
Fungal Infections
Ringworm
Can effect various parts of the body, large red scaly or inflamed itchy areas of
skin. Highly contagious and unable to wax until infection has cleared. A doctors
note will be required due to cross infection.
Scabies
Caused by a parasite and is highly contagious. A doctor's consent will be
required when infection has cleared.
Lice
Head, body and pubic areas. Infestation of the hair and clothes by tiny insects
which suck the blood. Intense irritation which makes the suffer scratch
constantly. Doctors consent needed once infection has cleared.
Skin Disorders
Psoriasis
Patches of skin with red raised areas and silvery scaly skin which can become
infected. The body makes new skin far to quickly for the skin to cope causing
this condition. Open or weeping psoriasis can cause cross infection, making it
unable to wax. A doctors note is required.
Eczema
A red raised rash which is itchy and cracks can bleed and weep. Varies with each
individual. Unable to wax with open sores. A doctors note is required.
Raised and hairy moles
Unless moles are inflamed, swollen or weeping, there are no problems waxing over
them.
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